there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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