I wish my penis had an off switch
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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