I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
