How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
