I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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