He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
