1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
