put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
