I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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