So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
