woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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