i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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