i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I want to fling myself into the sun
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
