OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
