just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
