she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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