im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
