At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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