I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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