I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
