When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
