Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i think im in europe. pls send help
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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