Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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