We're facebook friends in real life
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
