addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
