I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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