I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
