dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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