cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
