you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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