the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
