we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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