There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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