Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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