erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
