so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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