I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
