think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
