I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
