I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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