I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
