Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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