Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
