FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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