On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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