First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
