Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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