I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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