At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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