You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
