he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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