did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I still have a little drunk in my system
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
