you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
