you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
