i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
