it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
