I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
