Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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