No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
